A Tale of Two Anecdotes by an Egalitarian

A Tale of Two Anecdotes 

by 

an Egalitarian

My cousin and I are born a year apart almost to the day, with them being the eldest.  Their father died of a heart attack when they were in elementary school.  My father and mother separated a couple years after, my father moving out of State and died a few years later of a strange cancer.  Both of our fathers worked in different areas of construction, both were young and neither left a family well off or in good condition.

Our mothers did the best they could with what they had to to raise two children each.  In case that is not obvious enough, we each have a sibling.  While not growing up in the exact same house, we did not grow up very far apart.  We had family gatherings at least once a month, so had similar adult influences.  One difference worth mentioning is that they lived in the same house for 18 years, insurance paying it off when their dad died.  I on the other hand lived in five different houses, bouncing between a couple of them twice.

My cousin and I rarely discussed careers between us, but on the few occasions we did we both hinted at a position that neither of us wanted to do what our dads did.  My dad was a plumber who spent time working in nuclear reactors, which may explain the strange and quick growing cancer that killed him.  Their dad spent too many hours at work, trying to pay for a young family which may explain the sudden heart attack.  They inherited a garage full of tools, some of them rather expensive, so they occasionally mentioned opening a garage.  I on the other hand wanted to go to College.  I did not think much about a career because that was beyond the goal post of College, but I knew I didn't want a career like my dad.

During High school my cousin found that selling illegal narcotics was a good way to make cash.  From their Junior to Senior years they went from Store brand jeans, Converse Canvas, store brand Ts to Calvin Klein jeans, Adidas shoes, Gucci leather coats, gold jewelry, and two cars.  One car was a project to use those inherited tools.  They smoked cigarettes, drank as much as the worst offending teenager, but really didn't use the products they sold.

I on the other hand started working as a cook in restaurants at age 15.  I worked as many hours as I could get so that I could afford Lee and Levi jeans, and a mix of preppy and punk clothes depending on the day.  I smoked also, drank perhaps a bit more, and the only drugs I ever did were caffeine pills so that I could stay awake for my next shift.  I knew that whatever I stashed away would not be enough for College so I enlisted in the US Army when I was 17.  I'd leave a few days after I graduated high school.  I was an A/B student when the classes were not dull so graduating would not be an issue.

After High School my cousin moved up in the world, running larger packages around instead of selling small ones.  The money was better, but the stress was much higher and the hours much longer.  It was not too long before they started using a bit of their product to maintain sanity and be alert when needed.    As time moved on they used more and more, and mixing it with alcohol had a bad collision with a phone pole landing them in the hospital and out of work.  Like any delivery business, the people in charge don't like to find recklessness under them.  This left them with a bad habit (addition) and no income.  My Aunt spent loads of money getting them in and out of rehab programs trying to clean them up.

I on the other hand served my time in the Army.  I learned a whole lot about myself and what the human body and psyche are capable of.  There were numerous aspects of the life I really enjoyed, but disliked enough to be choosy about the terms of a long stay.  The Army did not match my terms, so I departed with an Honorable discharge after my time was served.  As soon as I was home I enrolled in College as I planned, and then found out that the funds I was promised didn't really work like I was told.  I take full blame as I didn't bother to read things and trusted people in positions of power to be honest.  Those are two very important life lessons to learn.  I also got a restaurant job so that I could pay for things I needed while I went to college, like everything outside of books and tuition.

Hearing about my cousin from the family was a bummer, and of course me being ignorant to how bad additions can be I volunteered to help.  I believed my cousin when they said "I just need a change of scenery to get away from people using drugs so I can get clean!" and went and picked them up.  We had a couple drinks and bullshitted over cribbage and TV, and feeling rather good about myself fell sound asleep.  I woke up a bit lighter financially speaking, and woke up too.  A lesson I have had to learn over and over again is that no matter what our intentions are, we can't make other people different.  We can only change ourselves.

I still smoked and drank and as I was finishing up my degree.  Needing to work full time made College a bit slower than I hoped but I also took many more classes than I needed.  I had a severe injury while at work which required surgery and my employer's insurance was fighting the claim which added some more time to the process.  I found out I was to be a parent just as I had finished up enough classes to complete a degree.

My cousin has never done much professionally.  They had a wife and house for a couple years and even had a couple kids, but those things were mostly lost to drugs.  They didn't have an influence on society as a whole that I would say is positive.

As for me, I have spent nearly a quarter of a century working with Computers.  I didn't stay married, but have a happy healthy kid (now adult) what many would consider an above average career.  I consider my influence on society as a whole to be positive.  I pay my taxes, follow the laws, and work very hard.  I am nowhere near perfect and I accept all of my mistakes and flaws.  There are plenty of both.

Most people I meet have similar anecdotes to mine.  Perhaps not the two extremes I am portraying, but enough to resonate with my anecdotes.  So what is the point of my two anecdotes exactly?

At no point in my anecdotes, and in no definition of myself, do I consider my race or gender a defining attribute.  I have met and spoken to people of both genders and numerous races who have similar stories to my own.  I could have made the same choices no matter what my gender or race.


My cousin and I are the same race and gender, it was our decisions in life that made us different.  I could have been the person using illegal drugs.  Instead, I made different choices and created a different life for myself.  I chose not to go to those parties and chose to restrict my social life to a specific types of people.  I could have had more "fun" for a few hours with "them" but I knew that there were risks which could change my path.

Attempting to blame race or gender for people's failures ignores the real problem.  Choose poorly and you fail.  For thousands of years this was reality that could not be covered up and used for political gain.  Today, the handout is a way of collecting votes and pandering. 

From the economic standpoint if you were a business owner and it was true that PersonX received 80% of the wages of PersonY, why would you pay PersonY?  That would be money you could have for what you want and need, and try as hard as you like you won't convince me that you would behave in such a way.  If you wouldn't, why would anyone claim someone else would?  Go back a paragraph.

Try as I might, I have a hard time writing this as I am not attempting to put myself on a pedestal or my cousin on trial.  Those things are not the point of the writing.